Some crazy shit happened today. I was at Mcdonalds with Christopher because he wanted to get 2 of those big and tasties for $2, so we're waiting in line when some fucker comes in the 'OUT' driveway as we are leaving and then tries to run off cos he fucked my car up. The bumper was dented and the paint was scratched to hell. Well I fucking ran him down until I could edge him off the road. He had a fucking piece of shit volvo built in something like 1978. No insurance, either.
My fucking luck, eh? And that big and tasty gave me the shits when we were on the way to bada bing. I almost had to pull off the road.
I need to get my ass in bed. I had a real long day, Carms parents came over for dinner. Her Dad looked like shit and her Mom came real close to getting kicked out on her ass. I had to deal with my fucking mother for 45 years, now I gotta deal with Carmellas??
So, I know some of youse have been wonderin where I been. Carm dragged me on a vacation to Miami because she wanted to spend some time with a cousin of hers, Frannie. It wasnt too bad, got some tight young cooze, and got my hardon workin again. Me and Carmella didnt even fight once, not countin when she wanted to go to some fuckin museum when I wanted to golf.
Everythin is goin real good these days. Only problems Im having is with Meadow not listenin to ANYONE other then her fuckin friends. And what does some 20 year old punk know about life and advice and shit when all he is thinkin about is my virgin daughter! AJ is packin on weight. Im thinking about sendin him to this fat camp up in the country, where he can learn to appreciate vegetables and the importance of nutrional food and all that shit.
Work is goin okay. Got some new girls at the bing. Best part of being in with Silvio is getting to train the new girls, if you know what I'm sayin. Some of these girls are so fucking stretched, you gotta stick a fist in for them to feel anything. When theyre like that, Christopher always makes some fucking joke about them being numb cunts. Fucking Chrissy.
Alright, Carm is calling me for dinner. She invited Ro Aprile since she's all alone these days. Hoping to fuckin Christ she gets Rose a DECENT guy so I dont have to eat every meal for the next 40 years with her staring at me.
I'm updating this thing at Bada Bing. The smartest thing we ever did was sound proofing those walls. You know what its like to listen to fucking stripper music for hours?
Easter was okay. I thought for sure I was going to have a heart attack during dinner. I got a chunk of prime rib stuck in the back of my throat and I was choking and fucking AJ got behind me trying to do that heimleche manuever and I'm trying to grab my glass of wine while he's pumping at my chest. I felt sore for hours, like some virgin bride on her wedding night.
The only fight that happened was between my sisters and jesus, it was like war of the titans or something. I wanted Carm to hide the china before they could start throwin it at eachothers heads. Janis is such a dumb cunt.
Time for me to go. Furio's driving me to McDonalds for some of those new chicken strip things. I seen the commercial about twenty times this week and suddenly got a craving.
This weekend is going to be one fuckin headache. Carmellas parents are coming, same with my sisters. Carm wanted to rent a house up in Maine for the week and invite everybody up there, but I put my foot down. I hear the state has a problem with rats, if you know what I'm sayin.
This prozac shit is killing my dick. No hardons in a week. Carm probably thinks I've got something going on the side. Atleast I'm HOPIN shes thinking that, instead of knowing that the equipment just aint workin.
Almost time to head to Bada Bing. Chrissy has a package waitin for me to pickup. Carm better like her Easter present, it's, uh.. to die for.
Time for some spring cleaning in the Soprano house, if you know what I'm sayin. Paulie and Christopher came over today to help, but I sent those two lazy fucks home cause they were drivin me crazy.
Carmella has been running around the house with her little housewife friends, the ladies of Jersey that got nothin better to do than redecorate eachothers houses over and over. Carm wants to have the upstairs bedrooms painted, and I told her she should hire that guy that did the foyer before, but she said he had moved out of state.
We decided to make Meadow stay home for spring break, which is just driving us all apeshit. She keeps moping and whinin about how all her friends are havin fun and I'm thinking to myself, you know, what the fuck? We punish her, but we're the ones that gotta listen to her? AJ is finally doin well, but who knows how the fuck long that will last.
Still in the market for a new goomah, too. Any ladies out there got the goods for the job?
My shrink said I should start one of these. I dont know about it, my aggression usually don't do know good when I use words.
So I'm sitting in my living room when, what the fuck, Christopher walks in with Carmella and they tell me that Meadow got caught with some fucking slut friend of hers (NOT Hunter fer once) downtown doing some stuff they shouldn't be doing infront of some fur store, if you know what I'm sayin'. That fuckin PETA is worse than crack, believe me I know.
So I have to get in my truck and drive all the fucking way down there to pick the kid up and instead of crying, she's tell me that she's a woman and she should be allowed to show her body wherevers she wants to. You believe that shit? So I'm feeling the urge to backhand her but I control the urge, you know, because I'm a sensitive to the situation.
I still ain't sure how I should punish her. Carmella wants to take away her credit card, but we all fucking know what happened the last time we did that. Whaddu think?